Nothing is more exciting than sitting at your gmail inbox and waiting for the word "Inbox" to go bold. It was 4am when I finally happened.
This was it. I thought. PPMD finally responded to one of my emails.
But once I clicked through, I was deflated. "Confirm your email to activate your PornHub account."
I went back to binge some more Daredevil, and that's when I received the Twitter DM...
In stage magic, or what I know about stage magic from watching Christopher Nolan movies, there are three parts: the setup, the performance, and the prestige. With grand gestures, sweeping movement, and some glitter, you can impress any audience with your trick—sorry, illusion.
But there's one magician in the Smash community that still has not revealed the final act in his three-act Smash-opera...
"I couldn't believe they thought I was SuPeRbOoMfAn. It was perfect. The illusion was not ruined." he told me.
FalcoMaster3000 sat behind a deep, crimson veil, with the dim light of a candle lamp barely reaching the base of his seat. We were inside an abandoned card-shop in Canada where they used to host Smash 4 weeklies.
"I almost feel bad for the guy. I see it at the 64 tournaments he attends. 'Oh hey FalcoMaster3000'. 'Hey BoomFan, are you FalcoMaster3000?' 'Dude, my wife said FalcoMaster3000 knocked her up so I'm going to kill you Boom!' And we were all standing nearby. Watching.
"I'm glad you came. I didn't think anyone cared, really. It's a little lonely when the world is out to get you all the time. When no one respects your grand ideas and the truth becomes blurred with smudges of fiction and mistaken identities. I simply wanted to play Smash.
I asked FalcoMaster3000 to share his story with me. And he acquiesced.
"I was actually an orphan. I was adopted by a kind, elderly couple that worked at the Treehouse™ for Nintendo. My adopted uncle worked there too. He tested the games.
Back in the mid-80s, a popular phenomenon exploded at elementary school playgrounds everywhere: kids were lying and spreading rumors about stuff in order to look cool.
Among nerdier kids, the lie dejour was telling others that your uncle worked at Nintendo and that he gave you the inside scoop on upcoming games.
"I started that. No one talked to me because I had a third nipple, so I did anything to make a friend. I didn't know others would copy me. But I realized it was for the greater good.
I sympathized and understood.
"I did it for the people. I gave them a gift that they could keep on using. The people had a voice, and I was merely giving them a message to share with others.
I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but from behind his shadowy veil, his voice carried a certain bravado that I gravitated towards.
"Over time I conditioned everyone I met, over multiple identities to believe that I was different people and that I had different connections using lies and rumors. I called it MIC and I was always ready to drop it on others.
"But I'm tired of lying and posting made-up stats with a catchy hashtag in order to amplify the stakes of a match and I think I'm ready to put down the mask and step into the light.
Once I was back home and sitting at my computer and refreshing twitter 5 times a minute, I couldn't decide on what to do with the information I was given.
I hopped on Twitter and typed in the letters, "C", "D", "K".
"You were right..."
May the Five Gods help us all.